Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
The command is love. The pattern is a crucifixion.
Week 1 of 4
He gave himself up
A husband’s love is measured by what he hands over, not by what he feels.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it.
Ephesians 5:25
Paul does not tell a husband to feel warm. He tells him to love as Christ loved, and then he defines the verb: he gave himself up. The cross is not a mood. It is a man placing his body between his bride and what would destroy her. If your love mainly protects your comfort, your reputation, or your right to be understood, it is not this love yet. Christ did not negotiate the cup. He drank it.
Scripture
Formal study reading, written for this series
Formal study reading, written for this series
I lay down my life so that I may take it again. No one takes it from me. I lay it down of myself.
No one took his life. He laid it down.
God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
He did not wait until the bride was lovely.
NASB, the Amplified, and the ESV open on Bible Hub. The Legacy Standard Bible opens on its own reader. Close, Expanded, and Easy on this page are original study readings. WEB is the World English Bible, public domain.
Love is a handing-over
Ephesians 5 sits inside a letter about a new humanity. The household is not a side note. It is where the gospel becomes visible in a man’s hands. The verb for the husband’s love is the same family of words Paul uses for Christ’s love. Then he refuses to leave it abstract. Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. The aorist is a finished act with a direction: for her, not for his image.
John 10 keeps a man from turning sacrifice into resentment. Christ was not trapped. He had authority to lay his life down and to take it up. A husband who serves and then collects a debt has not loved. He has leased himself. The cross is free. So is this love, or it is not this love.
In the house
Stop asking whether she deserves the next act of care. Romans 5:8 has already answered the question Christ asked of his bride, and the answer was the cross while we were still sinners. Your marriage is not that cross. It is a small participation in it.
Name one comfort you protect at her expense: the last word, the untouched evening, the right to be moody without account. Hand that over this week in a way she can see, and do not send an invoice.
Seven days
At the table
- 1Where have you used the word love for a feeling, and refused it as a handing-over?
- 2What would change this week if her good outranked your ease?
- 3Christ died while we were still sinners. Who are you waiting to deserve your patience?
- 4What debt are you secretly keeping for the love you have already shown?
Your note
Stays on this device. No account.
A prayer
Father, I know the love you commanded because I have received it. Christ handed himself over for a people who were not lovely yet. Teach my hands that pattern in this house. Kill the part of me that loves only when I am admired. I ask this through Jesus Christ, who laid his life down and took it up. Amen.